[𝐃𝐚𝐲 𝟏𝟏] 𝟏𝟎𝟎𝟎 𝐗 𝐒𝐭𝐫𝐨𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐫 𝐓𝐡𝐚𝐧 𝐀𝐧𝐲𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐂𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐁𝐞
𝘛𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘪𝘴 𝘢𝘯 𝘪𝘯𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘭𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘢 𝟸𝟷-𝘥𝘢𝘺 𝘸𝘳𝘪𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘴𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘴 𝘰𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮𝘦 𝘰𝘧 '𝘎𝘳𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘸𝘪𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘨', 𝘪.𝘦. 𝘮𝘪𝘥𝘸𝘪𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘮𝘪𝘥𝘸𝘪𝘧𝘦. 𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘴𝘦𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘩𝘰𝘭𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦
The biggest breakthroughs I have are down to getting the question clear in my head. It’s a cliché in writing but whenever you’re blocked it’s usually because you’re not clear on what you want or who you’re writing for. Knowing the question in detail doesn’t solve the problem, but it’s a productive angle because you’re just exploring how you feel. It’s less about creating something brand new and more about following the way points inside you that are already present. And then suddenly, the leap you need to make becomes obvious and exciting.
Bizarrely, I’ve found this works even for academic writing. When we get blocked, it’s because our brains have become aware we’re grappling with new ideas that we don’t quite understand and we’re trying to produce a piece of writing that has never existed before. It’s a creative act, and our creativity doesn’t work when we're terrified. All we can do is take the signposts that already exist for us and build on them. This is why my own academic process involves cutting the points out and moving them around the carpet to find where everything needs to be. I’m excavating what’s there and trusting it. The understanding of new information and concepts can only take place when the structure of the tunnel is stable enough to travel through.
Particularly in the evening, I start to believe I should be 1000 x stronger than anyone could be. That I need to reinvent midwifery, my understanding of research, my writing and my business. That I need to come up with something brand new. I’m not sure why evening me decides I need to save the world. Tiredness makes us want greater control I guess.
I relearn every day that this is not necessary. The question is not ‘how much can I get done’. It’s ‘which bits of me are going to be of use to the world’. It’s about acceptance. I don’t believe anyone gets anything done that is of use without this self-acceptance. Sure, tortured geniuses exist but I think most of the stuff gets made when they can get out of their own way as opposed to because of the pressure.
Whatever you need to do to feel accepted is part of your midwifery work. Get clear on what you’re trying to achieve. Get clear on why you belong. That’s been the way of achievement for me every single time it’s happened.
To your needs,
Ellie.
p.s.
In part I'm writing this series to help launch my new book, ‘Becoming a Midwife: A Student’s Guide’. It's out 23/2/23.
