[𝐃𝐚𝐲 𝟗] 𝐏𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐥 𝐅𝐚𝐢𝐥𝐮𝐫𝐞
𝘛𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘪𝘴 𝘢𝘯 𝘪𝘯𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘭𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘢 𝟸𝟷-𝘥𝘢𝘺 𝘸𝘳𝘪𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘴𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘴 𝘰𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮𝘦 𝘰𝘧 '𝘎𝘳𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘸𝘪𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘨', 𝘪.𝘦. 𝘮𝘪𝘥𝘸𝘪𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘮𝘪𝘥𝘸𝘪𝘧𝘦. 𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘴𝘦𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘩𝘰𝘭𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦
I was once talking to a teacher about their pastoral role at a school. They said something like ‘all these ridiculous young girls just wanting to drink diet Pepsi and not eat anything’. That got my back up because they were uninterested in picking apart the culture that was making the girls do that. Which meant, they are part of the problem, part of why young (and old) women behave in that way, actively part of the abuse, and also blaming the kids for it.
Once we get into a weak position, it’s a downward spiral. Because the abuse is accepted, it becomes hidden.
My personal failure age 13 was not to recognise that’s what was going on. I slipped into an eating disorder that it has taken me years to find my way back out of. We make out like eating disorders are a common and non-serious condition. It kind of reminds me of the reaction we have to crochet and needlework, as opposed to painting. The first is done by women so it’s hokey and sweet. The second is done by men, so it’s majestic. Eating disorders are associated with women, so when you come across a kid with disordered eating and they’re female, it’s downplayed as just part of growing up.
In reality, eating disorders might be common but anorexia is the deadliest of mental health disorders. Also, these children are hungry. They are not enjoying their lives. Their ability to learn is compromised.
It is alarming to me that I have known and loved elderly women who never got over disordered eating. The person I’m thinking of was conscious of thinness, even towards the end. She got into her seventies and still had not got on top of this stuff. It is never too late to go and get help and I so wish she had.
I grieve for the pain of all of those years and all that wasted time. When and if I have my own kids, or when I’m taking care of other people’s, I will not be passing on those issues, or at least not without awareness of why they happen, why it’s BS and some ways of working through and trusting your instincts and body again. The pain stops here. Part of midwifery is promoting respect and dignity for every type of body. I will continue to consciously process my stuff around food every day. The benefits are priceless.
To your needs,
Ellie.
p.s.
In part I'm writing this series to help launch my new book, ‘Becoming a Midwife: A Student’s Guide’. It's out 23/2/23.
I am bad at getting these up on the website each day I'm writing them, but if you want to get them without delay, subscribe to the midwifediaries.com mailing list.
