[𝐃𝐚𝐲 𝟏𝟎] 𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐃𝐨𝐧’𝐭 𝐇𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐁𝐮𝐢𝐥𝐝 𝐘𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐎𝐰𝐧 𝐑𝐚𝐟𝐭⁣⁣

𝟐𝟏 𝐃𝐚𝐲𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐓𝐢𝐦𝐞, 𝐓𝐫𝐚𝐮𝐦𝐚 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐕𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬 𝐑𝐞𝐬𝐢𝐥𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐢𝐧 𝐌𝐢𝐝𝐰𝐢𝐟𝐞𝐫𝐲

[𝐃𝐚𝐲 𝟏𝟎] 𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐃𝐨𝐧’𝐭 𝐇𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐁𝐮𝐢𝐥𝐝 𝐘𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐎𝐰𝐧 𝐑𝐚𝐟𝐭⁣⁣
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When I was a student midwife, there were several members of staff who I adored working with. I don’t even remember why exactly; they just gave off good energy, and I knew I would be taught and tested fairly. They were exacting because they wanted standards to be high, but I knew I could talk to them about anything, and they would be encouraging and emotionally helpful. They would also recognise when I had been ‘shellshocked’ by criticism or a really hard run of shifts, and they’d try to create some space for me.⁣⁣
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However, I always felt that shifts with them were too ‘easy’. I believed that more critical mentors had a better measure of me. I used to pretend the days with such mentors were OSCEs, just an ongoing practical exam. Exhausting. I remember a second-year labour ward placement in which I struggled to get all my standards signed off, and got myself into such a state that it was only when my mentor had to leave the labour room to attend an emergency somewhere else that I was able to function well. Suddenly, I knew what to check and where to document. The mentor in question came back in, looked at what I’d done and said ‘wow, I wouldn’t have been able to cope with this kind of care as a student. Where have you been hiding?’. Sigh. I couldn’t begin to explain that I was finding it hard to demonstrate my skills because I was so nervous. ⁣⁣
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I’m not sure why I put so much more stock in criticism than being helped. I guess it’s human nature to concentrate on and obsess about the negative. When I finally got to be fairly experienced, I realised this was misguided. It felt like arriving on the mainland on a raft I'd handmade from scraps, barely having survived, and looking back out to sea only to spot the regular ferry service.⁣⁣
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What I've learnt is that the staff who are most supportive to you can teach you the most. Watch what they’re doing, and maximise your learning in their company. Criticism can feel more valid because it makes you work harder. But I’d suggest that gentle mentorship plus a good work ethic on your part makes for much better learning. I forgive myself for thinking I had to turn myself inside out as a student midwife, and perhaps that was essential learning for me. Still, these days if I feel myself trying to impress someone who is clearly unimpressible, I try to rein it in. Being able to look after your energy levels is a very undervalued skill.⁣⁣
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All my best,⁣⁣
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Ellie.⁣⁣
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