[𝐃𝐚𝐲 𝟐𝟏] 𝐓𝐌𝐈

𝘛𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘪𝘴 𝘢𝘯 𝘪𝘯𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘭𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘢 𝟸𝟷-𝘥𝘢𝘺 𝘸𝘳𝘪𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘴𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘴 𝘰𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮𝘦 𝘰𝘧 '𝘎𝘳𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘸𝘪𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘨', 𝘪.𝘦. 𝘮𝘪𝘥𝘸𝘪𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘮𝘪𝘥𝘸𝘪𝘧𝘦. 𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘴𝘦𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘩𝘰𝘭𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦

[𝐃𝐚𝐲 𝟐𝟏] 𝐓𝐌𝐈

Don’t hate me, but I don’t sweat very much. Even when I do kettlebells, which is turning into a rarity at the moment, I just get a bit of a sheen. I have found, however, that if I want to sweat, therapy is a reliable way of achieving that. It makes me sweat more than being on delivery unit.

Therapy sweat is just underarm sweat. I’m not sure anyone can tell as long as I change my top later in the day. Or, pro tip: baby powder can sort it out if I don’t have the opportunity to change. But still, it’s noticeable to me. And it doesn’t have to be an awful hour where I feel like I’m being tortured. Some therapy sessions don’t feel particularly emotionally intense, and some I enjoy. But I am clearly still working hard. I once read a study that suggested women can tell when sweat is from emotional intensity rather than exercise; that’s what’s going on here. And I have noticed that of late, this emotional intensity sweat is turning up during Zoom sessions with students and midwives.

I’m known for the ‘getting into midwifery’ gig. I’m good at that and have done it for years. I also do band 5 personal statement/interview prep, and none of that stuff makes me break a sweat. I’m engaged, and I find it fun, but these days at least even with a group call, it’s a breeze.

The work I’m doing with students and midwives currently, which covers all the stuff in my book but from a standpoint of emotional intelligence and wellbeing, is making me sweat in the same way as therapy. These sessions are not brutal. We do a lot of laughing. But we do get in the best and worst things we’ve ever come across in our practice and I guess my body is reacting to that. It is as invested as I am. I am bringing my whole self.

I’m captivated by what I’m doing at the moment. I feel like I’ve found a stride in this work and want to share it. It’s not coming out in a perfectly executed form; the 'Delivery Unit Skills for Sensitive People' course that I'm just finishing up is a good example of this. Instead, it’s more like letting people stroll around my brain. My nervous system is beginning to shape itself around this new way of communicating.

The title of this post is ‘TMI’ as in ‘Too Much Information’. This could be the alternate theme of this series and has been the theme of my life. I get obsessed with ideas, books, and paradigms. I want to analyse things, to the chagrin of my family, friends and colleagues, especially when I want to talk about emotions or gross stuff our bodies do. That's fair, some people just want to stick to small talk. But there is a place for this work. But midwives have always been good at discussing the intricacies of bodies. And examining the emotional intensity of midwifery has yielded so much to me. During my training and early days I could have used midwives being more candid about their experiences. It's what I'm after these days as well.

In this series I wanted to investigate ‘grandwifing’ as in how to harness older, calmer energy. The transformational process of writing for 21 days has, as always, worked its magic. I’ve realised that borrowing someone else’s energy is not what I am supposed to do. Instead, I am working towards being a grandwife in my own right. If I have a chance at finding my own calmer, older energy, it will not come from denying the things that I am best at and want to do. It will come from following them.

Thanks if you’ve been paying attention to these posts. It’s the first time I’ve been writing such intimate pieces and publishing them live. I usually get another midwife to read them through before they make it online. So if you’ve been reading along, you have been part of the process of me trusting myself to talk to you straight. The energy around sharing these is a healthy one.

I hope to do some of this work at some kind of conference or in person event at some point. I’m thinking that by that point my body will have calmed down a bit and the sweat problem won't be an issue. But it might be. But even if I continue to stress sweat my way through the things I find most crucial to talk about, I will not be turning away from them. I can even recommend you find something that makes you feel the same way. We can share deodorant recommendations.

To your needs,

Ellie.

⁣⁣⁣p.s.⁣⁣⁣

⁣⁣⁣In part I'm writing this series to help launch my new book, ‘Becoming a Midwife: A Student’s Guide’. It's out 23/2/23. ⁣⁣

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