[𝐃𝐚𝐲 𝟏𝟑] 𝐆𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐉𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐅𝐢𝐧𝐞 - 𝐚𝐤𝐚, 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐝𝐨 𝐢𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮’𝐫𝐞 𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐢𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐬 𝐚 𝐦𝐢𝐝𝐰𝐢𝐟𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐠
𝘛𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘪𝘴 𝘢𝘯 𝘪𝘯𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘭𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘢 𝟸𝟷-𝘥𝘢𝘺 𝘸𝘳𝘪𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘴𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘴 𝘰𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮𝘦 𝘰𝘧 '𝘎𝘳𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘸𝘪𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘨', 𝘪.𝘦. 𝘮𝘪𝘥𝘸𝘪𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘮𝘪𝘥𝘸𝘪𝘧𝘦. 𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘴𝘦𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘩𝘰𝘭𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦
I had a stimulating conversation with a group of student midwives yesterday. They were age 18/19, all living in a house together, just starting university. So much excitement. Their question was about beginning midwifery as teenagers. What to say if people thought they looked too young. I can relate to this; I started training at age 18 too. I’m 4ft 11 and have a round face. You could see it in people’s eyes. I looked like a child in scrubs.
I heard somewhere that we can access different kinds of knowledge at different ages. Toddlers are excellent at being in the moment. Kids are great at being obsessed with things. When I was 18, I was so passionate about the rights of everyone, and I had a lot of anger about injustice. Now I’m in my thirties, I can get into all those states sometimes, but it’s basically an exercise in holding different points of view in my head. So wisdom can come with age (though it’s no guarantee) but the skills and insights you have as an 18/19 are valid and important.
Plus, there is no way of getting midwives with 50 years worth of career experience without people starting age 18/19.
So I said: If people react adversely to you being young and training as a midwife, it is likely just a surface-level reaction. Do some work around being okay with it yourself, and it will likely disappear quickly. Know that we are all judged by colleagues and clients for being too young, too old, too single, too polyamorous, too fat, too thin, and a host of other things. Sometimes very concerning things like race and sexuality/gender. That’s way more insidious and dangerous, so perhaps this might be a good opportunity to gain some empathy for being judged, particularly if you’re a white cis straight person with some privilege.
But also, it’s an excellent opportunity to practice being around people who are being prats. Plenty of those around. Humans love to judge; it is our main hobby.
Regarding the work you need to do yourself, this is about how to turn up while being wildly imperfect in the eyes of people around you and keep going anyway. This is something I have to relearn how to do every day. It’s frightening because you have to knock at the door of something you care about and say, ‘hey, can I come in?’. And sometimes the door will be slammed in your face, just for who you are. I used to think that I had to be okay with that. But it’s more like embracing that I will not be OK with that, but it’s still important to risk it, and I will figure out how to look after myself in the aftermath.
Also, the young thing is generally just fine.
To your needs,
Ellie.
p.s.
In part I'm writing this series to help launch my new book, ‘Becoming a Midwife: A Student’s Guide’. It's out 23/2/23.
