Work with How Your Life Is Right Now, and Get the Support You Need to Enter Midwifery

You are Stepping out into Quite the Adventure

It was a rainy April morning in 2020 at about 6 am, and I was up because I was on the home run of book chapters. The next stage was to send a draft off to my editor, but getting to that stage was dragging on for far longer than I would have thought possible. I shut the bedroom door, leaving Jason asleep. Early mornings used to be my time, but since having to start medication to control migraines, they’ve become a struggle. I sat there thinking about meditating and instead gave into Facebook and a cup of strong coffee. After about an hour of moderating my Facebook community and doing emails while I should have been working on Becoming a Midwife, I realised I didn’t have anything to give. I turned on Netflix on my PC and sat there hating myself and crying a bit until my mind turned to the chapter I should have been working on. This was a frustrating, common story and the work was piling up.

I didn’t know I was about to find a different way of doing things. Via inspirational Facebook posts I have long been told to do the green juice/early morning gym/meditation combo. Thinking about doing this made me irritated, as I didn’t think my lack of agency in the morning had anything to do with blended broccoli or tinkly soundtracks. I was just bloody tired from being on shift and having to take a drug which slowed me down. I felt like I was trying so hard but it was never enough.

I hover above the time I have left

Eventually, while looking for info on entrepreneurship, I read that one guy called Perry Marshall liked to spend the first half hour of his day listening to a classical story, ideally something from a few thousand years ago. He called this ‘the ultimate cure for social media’, which sounded good. And this got me thinking about my Classics A-level. The Odyssey was something we studied, and I’ve thought about it many times over the last fifteen years, probably because I’ve spent time in Italy and Greece cycling touring, i.e. being skint on a bike and living in a tent on the side of the road. Being hot and hungry and dirty in pine forest/sea type environments is very reminiscent of Odyssey’s journey.

One thing led to another, and I found this thing called LibriVox, a collection of free audiobooks read by volunteers. There’s a great copy of The Odyssey. The recordings aren’t perfect. Especially when there are unfamiliar names and places, the narrators have to have a couple of goes at words. But I enjoy this. It feels like when we read it out, taking it in turns in the classroom. Waking up and listening to this story for half an hour, even if I have to do it while running around and getting ready for a shift reminds me of my childhood, my teenage years, young adulthood and I hover above the rest of the time I have left. This is the kind of perspective that we lack when we’re overwhelmed with everything that needs to get done. And this transition to starting the day with story has made all the difference to my ability to get things done. B

Reading or Listening to Ancient Stories Is a Good Reminder That Life Used to Move at a Much Slower Pace.

The Odyssey is a blend of strange historical facts, multifaceted adventure, and gore. When it comes to signing up for midwifery, you’ve stepped out on a similar voyage. We need to leave what’s familiar and gain new skills. It quickly becomes apparent that we didn’t know what we were signing up for (honestly, even if you have significant volunteer experience, you can't understand what a midwife being is like until you’re there doing it). There are monsters. There is blood. The adjustment period can be intense and go on for years.

Midwifery is a force that can change the world, but we need to remember we’re human. Reading or listening to ancient stories is a good reminder that life used to move at a much slower pace. Odysseus needs to get home to his wife; that’s his goal. But even when he’s far from his goal, he still rests and, at times, parties. He takes an entire year off just to have sex with the Goddess Circe and hang out on her island - all while his wife Penelope is being faithful at home, I might add. And he does a lot of crying, but no one seems to think less of him. (I’m not sure when crying became something guys aren’t allowed to do, but it wasn't something in effect 3,000 years ago in Greece).

Rest and celebration are things you're entitled to throughout.

This is life, isn’t it? You find a way through. Early mornings are a great time to get things done. And then suddenly, you have to take medication and they become too hard. Maybe your version is different, you used to get work done at night and now you have a family. Or you used to take long days at the library but now you live too far away.

Life will change, guaranteed. It will feel like you have to work 100x harder to get what you used to be able to do done. But really you still need to find a way to take your own brand of intelligence and your own personality and make that work for you.

Of course, the punchline to this is, I’ve gone through this cycle many times before. Being a student midwife didn’t even out until I realised that I was trying too hard and needed to trust the midwives that I loved. Writing my first book was hard until I realised that it had a process all of its own and I just needed to follow it. It’s impossible to remember all of this when you’re doing something really hard, but that’s why it’s so important to have support. I have paid for support many times within the birth world and out of it, and I’m sure I will again. I would be a fool not to, given what I’ve learnt.

I got my book done in June 2022. It’s with the publisher and will be out some time in 2023. I’m working as a midwife and enjoying it, because I know what I can commit to and how much to ignore. This is the first time in my adult life that I have truly enjoyed midwifery. That bizarre, given the staffing crisis. Turns out, I didn’t need a new morning routine or more energy. I needed more fun, more enjoyment, and to trust what I had to offer as opposed to scrambling towards what’s missing.

I am not suggesting everyone should listen to The Odyssey every morning. I’m suggesting that you will have your own pace and intelligence and your task is to make that serve midwifery as opposed to flogging yourself. The application process to become a midwife and the career itself will ask for everything as quickly as you can give it. Your job is to work out how you fit with midwifery in the long-term. That’s the only sustainable career plan. You can move more slowly if that would work better for you. Rest and celebration are things you're entitled to throughout.

That’s where I can help.

Vicarious Resilience

As I get older I have more people in my life who are counsellors and therapists and they talk about something called ‘vicarious resilience’. Resilience has become something of a dirty word in healthcare because ‘you need to become more resilient’ is not an adequate answer to the current demands on service. ‘Vicarious resilience’ is different. It means resilience that you have access to based on being ins someone else’s compant. I used to think about this concept well before I knew the term, as on particularly hard shifts I used to imagine trying to climb onto the raft of certain midwives I loved. Stories like The Odyssey (or indeed, Game of Thrones or I’m told, Stranger Things) that come with a hero’s journey also help with vicarious resilience. It’s one of the reasons humans love stories so much, we gain some bravery.

It would be my honour and pleasure to offer you the resilience I have from being a midwife, along with ten years of business supporting students with entry into midwifery. I can assure you that the same issues come up again and again. Midwifery knowledge is important, but that kind of thing is easily gained once you know where to look. The main thing I want to do is to support you in finding your own way of doing things and carving out a groove for yourself.

What Vicarious Resilience Coaching Involves

• 2 x One to One Personal Statement Sessions. These last an hour and a half and you will have my full attention as I coach you on writing your statement and getting it UCAS ready. The whole point of Vicarious Resilience is to make things simple, so though we will work hard, your statement will be ready by the end of the two sessions. Of course, you have the pick of my diary.

• 2 x One to One Interview Sessions. We will first work out what kind of interview your university is likely to set (panel, group, multiple mini interview, etc.) and then put together custom sessions which help you prepare. We will also consider your fears, strengths and weaknesses. The knowledge you gain will serve you in your interviews, but also as a student midwife. You will walk in knowing your stuff and yourself. Again, you will be my first priority.

• 3 x ‘Ellie is on call for you’ vouchers. You can feel reassured during your whole UCAS cycle because if something happens where you need an instant head and gut check, you can get through to me. This means that small concerns will never turn into dinosaur sized problems in the interview room

• Acccess to me on my personal Whatsapp number. I have NEVER offered this until this year, but this coaching wouldn’t be complete without it.

Please use the form below to apply.