How to Deal with Gossip at Work (Make a Difference)

On the subject of dealing with gossip in midwifery, this passage from 'I Thought It Was Just Me' by Brené Brown is so helpful:

'When I first came into my critical awareness, I felt the need to publicly hold people accountable...I soon realized that it’s not a good idea to back people into a corner. Even making a valid point doesn’t warrant using shame or intentionally putting someone on the spot in front of other people.

Next I tried the “teach/preach” approach. Although it’s a little less drastic than shaming, it doesn’t work well either. In this example we might respond to the same comment by saying, “I’m not going to talk badly about her. It hurts all women. We need to support one another.”

But when we teach/preach, we are likely to find the target stuck to our backsides as we swagger away from the group...

Reflecting and/or redirecting are very effective ways to “not participate” and provoke thought.

Reflecting is a way to infuse a conversation with a probing question or statement. Redirecting is moving the conversation away from blaming and toward empathy.

“She’s such a bitch. I can’t believe she got promoted. Who do you think she slept with to get that?” Reflect: “I don’t really know her.”

This poses the question: How much do we know about someone? Many times it forces people to realize that they don’t know much about the person they’re targeting or, at the very least, it points out that their style of bad-mouthing doesn’t require fact.


“She’s so mean. I’m not surprised that he’s leaving her.” Reflect and Redirect: “I really don’t know a lot about him or their marriage. I really like her. I wonder if there is something we can do for her?”

This says we don’t know what’s going on and we should lend support rather than gossip.

“Susie is such a raving lunatic. Have you ever worked with her?”

Reflect: “Yeah, a couple of times. I don’t really experience her that way.”

Thoughts?