𝘛𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘪𝘴 𝘢𝘯 𝘪𝘯𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘭𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘢 𝟸𝟷-𝘥𝘢𝘺 𝘸𝘳𝘪𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘴𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘴 𝘰𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮𝘦 𝘰𝘧 '𝘎𝘳𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘸𝘪𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘨', 𝘪.𝘦. 𝘮𝘪𝘥𝘸𝘪𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘮𝘪𝘥𝘸𝘪𝘧𝘦. 𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘴𝘦𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘩𝘰𝘭𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦

[𝐃𝐚𝐲 𝟐𝟎] 𝐎𝐟𝐭𝐞𝐧 𝐄𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐝

⁣I’m watching ‘Couples Therapy’ at the moment, a BBC series. There are some relationships on this show that make you think ‘how on earth would you begin to repair that’. The conflict and the affection are bound up in interaction based on how these two individuals were formed as children, and because of how our society works, they have had to deal with all the fireworks all on their own, behind closed doors. Kudos to any professional doing work with couples (and that includes midwives for sure).

When it comes to someone going to therapy with their partner, I think they must have two conflicting parts of themselves. One part has been beaten up, and isn’t sure whether tools that will help truly exist. Another part believes there is hope. These couples talk about the possibility of breaking up and there are certain situations where it looks to me like that’s what they should do. But the fact they are in the room trying to talk about it all means both of them are invested enough to be trying. This counts for so much.

In midwifery, we go through enormous events, and for the most part, just like with the interactions of a couple, our reactions and emotions are hidden away. In my practice, I have had doctors in my care. Even clinicians who have worked briefly in obstetrics as part of their training are genuinely surprised by the amount of responsibility midwives hold, when they are having a baby themselves and see it from a personal point of view.

Sometimes, because of all this, midwives go through periods of being beaten up. But I guess we have to decide if we are in the right place. For me, this decision comes down to where the layer of feeling lives. The layer that believes midwifery is my calling is down at the base of me, underneath all the other crap. I've come across a couple of women I respect who call this 'grounded knowledge', or 'your grounded self'.

I worry that writing about the hardest bits of midwifery might be depressing for the people reading and it’s important to point out that I am often, usually even, happy, elated, and fulfilled by my clinical practice. I am just putting the finishing touches on a course called ‘Delivery Unit Skills for Sensitive People’ because I believe that sensitivity comes with enormous ability, which is awesome to experience. The fact that sensitive midwives can work in the NHS is a testament to the work of women who have gone before us.

The relationship between midwifery and me is complex enough to be a romantic or familial one. How could it not be; romantic relationships are most like our relationships with our parents, that’s where the fire comes from. Midwifery concerns itself with the origins of those relationships. This is work that moves your core and you need to deal with that while practising attention to detail for blood types, allergies and fetal heart interpretation...

Midwifery is a profession which will never, ever be boring to me. The challenges that pull me along this path are about my growth as a person as much as my professional development.

Tomorrow is the last day of this series. I’m only just scratching the surface.

To your needs,⁣

Ellie.

⁣⁣⁣p.s.⁣⁣⁣

⁣⁣⁣In part I'm writing this series to help launch my new book, ‘Becoming a Midwife: A Student’s Guide’. It's out 23/2/23. ⁣⁣

⁣