[๐๐๐ฒ ๐๐] ๐๐๐
๐๐ฉ๐ช๐ด ๐ช๐ด ๐ข๐ฏ ๐ช๐ฏ๐ด๐ต๐ข๐ญ๐ฎ๐ฆ๐ฏ๐ต ๐ฐ๐ง ๐ข ๐ธ๐ท-๐ฅ๐ข๐บ ๐ธ๐ณ๐ช๐ต๐ช๐ฏ๐จ ๐ด๐ฆ๐ณ๐ช๐ฆ๐ด ๐ฐ๐ฏ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ฎ๐ฆ ๐ฐ๐ง '๐๐ณ๐ข๐ฏ๐ฅ๐ธ๐ช๐ง๐ช๐ฏ๐จ', ๐ช.๐ฆ. ๐ฎ๐ช๐ฅ๐ธ๐ช๐ง๐ช๐ฏ๐จ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐ฎ๐ช๐ฅ๐ธ๐ช๐ง๐ฆ. ๐ ๐ฐ๐ถ ๐ค๐ข๐ฏ ๐ด๐ฆ๐ฆ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐ธ๐ฉ๐ฐ๐ญ๐ฆ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ช๐ฏ๐จ ๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ณ๐ฆ
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Donโt hate me, but I donโt sweat very much. Even when I do kettlebells, which is turning into a rarity at the moment, I just get a bit of a sheen. I have found, however, that if I want to sweat, therapy is a reliable way of achieving that. It makes me sweat more than being on delivery unit.
Therapy sweat is just underarm sweat. Iโm not sure anyone can tell as long as I change my top later in the day. Or, pro tip: baby powder can sort it out if I donโt have the opportunity to change. But still, itโs noticeable to me. And it doesnโt have to be an awful hour where I feel like Iโm being tortured. Some therapy sessions donโt feel particularly emotionally intense, and some I enjoy. But I am clearly still working hard. I once read a study that suggested women can tell when sweat is from emotional intensity rather than exercise; thatโs whatโs going on here. And I have noticed that of late, this emotional intensity sweat is turning up during Zoom sessions with students and midwives.
Iโm known for the โgetting into midwiferyโ gig. Iโm good at that and have done it for years. I also do band 5 personal statement/interview prep, and none of that stuff makes me break a sweat. Iโm engaged, and I find it fun, but these days at least even with a group call, itโs a breeze.
The work Iโm doing with students and midwives currently, which covers all the stuff in my book but from a standpoint of emotional intelligence and wellbeing, is making me sweat in the same way as therapy. These sessions are not brutal. We do a lot of laughing. But we do get in the best and worst things weโve ever come across in our practice and I guess my body is reacting to that. It is as invested as I am. I am bringing my whole self.
Iโm captivated by what Iโm doing at the moment. I feel like Iโve found a stride in this work and want to share it. Itโs not coming out in a perfectly executed form; the 'Delivery Unit Skills for Sensitive People' course that I'm just finishing up is a good example of this. Instead, itโs more like letting people stroll around my brain. My nervous system is beginning to shape itself around this new way of communicating.
The title of this post is โTMIโ as in โToo Much Informationโ. This could be the alternate theme of this series and has been the theme of my life. I get obsessed with ideas, books, and paradigms. I want to analyse things, to the chagrin of my family, friends and colleagues, especially when I want to talk about emotions or gross stuff our bodies do. That's fair, some people just want to stick to small talk. But there is a place for this work. But midwives have always been good at discussing the intricacies of bodies. And examining the emotional intensity of midwifery has yielded so much to me. During my training and early days I could have used midwives being more candid about their experiences. It's what I'm after these days as well.
In this series I wanted to investigate โgrandwifingโ as in how to harness older, calmer energy. The transformational process of writing for 21 days has, as always, worked its magic. Iโve realised that borrowing someone elseโs energy is not what I am supposed to do. Instead, I am working towards being a grandwife in my own right. If I have a chance at finding my own calmer, older energy, it will not come from denying the things that I am best at and want to do. It will come from following them.
Thanks if youโve been paying attention to these posts. Itโs the first time Iโve been writing such intimate pieces and publishing them live. I usually get another midwife to read them through before they make it online. So if youโve been reading along, you have been part of the process of me trusting myself to talk to you straight. The energy around sharing these is a healthy one.
I hope to do some of this work at some kind of conference or in person event at some point. Iโm thinking that by that point my body will have calmed down a bit and the sweat problem won't be an issue. But it might be. But even if I continue to stress sweat my way through the things I find most crucial to talk about, I will not be turning away from them. I can even recommend you find something that makes you feel the same way. We can share deodorant recommendations.
To your needs,
Ellie.
โฃโฃโฃp.s.โฃโฃโฃ
โฃโฃโฃIn part I'm writing this series to help launch my new book, โBecoming a Midwife: A Studentโs Guideโ. It's out 23/2/23. โฃโฃ
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