𝟐𝟏 𝐃𝐚𝐲𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐓𝐢𝐦𝐞, 𝐓𝐫𝐚𝐮𝐦𝐚 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐕𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬 𝐑𝐞𝐬𝐢𝐥𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐢𝐧 𝐌𝐢𝐝𝐰𝐢𝐟𝐞𝐫𝐲

[𝐃𝐚𝐲 𝟐𝟏] 𝐌𝐲 𝐁𝐨𝐝𝐲 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐘𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬⁣

I've been researching Elimination Communication (EC). I first heard of this via the comedian Katherine Ryan and the actress/neuroscientist Mayim Bialik, both of who did this with their kids. This is where you start to put a baby on a potty far earlier than is typical. It’s about learning a baby’s potty cues and timing to get them used to the toilet. Eventually, they start letting you know when they need to go. Young babies often pass urine or have a poo once a nappy is taken off them. Have you noticed this? It feels like it’s just sod's law, but it’s not - babies have an instinct not to soil their surroundings, so will go in the open air as often as possible. EC exploits this tendency. ⁣
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In the UK, we tend to potty train at about 3 years (I think? Honestly, babies become a black hole for me after 6 weeks, no idea what happens when they’re out of my sphere of practice). The EC theory is that when kids are between 2 and 3, they are establishing their personalities, and life is extremely exciting. They don’t necessarily want to spend time using the potty, so it can be a struggle, and therefore it's easier to get them started earlier.⁣
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Kathrine Ryan and Mayim Bialik practised EC and say their kids were reliably dry by twelve months. The thing is, both of them were at home almost 100% of the time during the first year of their kids’ lives. They describe being at a financial low point in their show biz careers, so it made the most sense to stay at home rather than pay for child care. ⁣
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For most western parents, anticipating a baby’s output on top of normal parenting is just too much work. But in much of the world, EC doesn’t even have a name, it’s business as usual. In my world, primary caregivers for kids often have to make compromises and do childcare around academic work, a career, or they’re solo parenting. Even as I’m typing this, I fear triggering a guilt hangover for parents who are already trying to do plastic-free baby-led weaning with beautiful small aluminium containers of blueberries and hummus for their toddler and don’t need to be harangued about why they didn’t potty train them when they were just weeks old. But it shouldn’t be about competitive parenting, more about what could conceivably be easier for some families. Some people in EC groups I follow describe doing things that way because it’s ‘lazy’, as there's less wiping. Lately, I’ve been cultivating laziness because that is sometimes just a word I use to describe appropriately slowing down.⁣
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The same thing goes for modern life and obesity. I once saw a researcher’s diagram of all the things that can influence our weight, it was a massive 3D bubble chart illustrating aetiologies like exercise, ability to cook, epigenetics, breastfeeding, driving commutes, sleep, advertising, psychological health, social life etc. etc. There are just so many things that impact our bodies. You can be healthy with extra weight, and the research suggests that weight loss diets add to the problem, rather than taking it away. But if you have time to enjoy food, to grow some, or buy it directly from people who grew/reared it, I believe that you're going to be more appropriately nourished for your body, whatever that looks like for you. Even if you have just one person in the household doing all the cooking, and they love it and see it as something creative rather than just another job, that’s a more intuitive form of living. If we all had this setup, I suspect many of the issues with food in our society would fall away. Of course, all of this takes time, headspace and money, which are things most of us are struggling with at the moment.⁣
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We value our independence, and ownership of money and things. There’s nothing wrong with this, we have far more information and autonomy to follow our interests than at any other time during human history, particularly if we’re female. But to get these things, we are making compromises, and some of these compromises put our nature on the back burner.⁣
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I hope we don’t move too far away from who we are. Being repetitively rammed into a hole that’s not our shape is damaging. All this is interesting to me as a midwife because it reconfirms why we are so interested in physiology. Midwifery at its core is about doing things at the body's pace. It just is. You observe the path; that tiny stream of water making its way through the landscape is carving out a river that will roll on without you. You can’t make it happen. You just have to get out of its way. ⁣
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You can’t and probably don’t want to rely on the ‘natural’ way of doing things all the time, and that’s fine. But when you’re taking yourself away from your way of being, can you also work towards a life that fits you? Mary Oliver wrote ‘𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘥𝘰 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘸𝘢𝘭𝘬 𝘰𝘯 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘬𝘯𝘦𝘦𝘴 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘢 𝘩𝘶𝘯𝘥𝘳𝘦𝘥 𝘮𝘪𝘭𝘦𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘥𝘦𝘴𝘦𝘳𝘵 𝘳𝘦𝘱𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨. 𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘰𝘯𝘭𝘺 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘭𝘦𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘰𝘧𝘵 𝘢𝘯𝘪𝘮𝘢𝘭 𝘰𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘣𝘰𝘥𝘺 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘪𝘵 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘴...'⁣
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My body has loved writing this series. Thank you for reading it.⁣
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All my best,⁣
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Ellie