Before we start, I have to tell you there's some very strong language in this post. We're adults having adult conversations so you can choose whether to keep reading or not 🙂

I put a comment on Facebook yesterday asking why we have such a strong reaction to the word 'cunt'. I got quite a response.

Many of us are wondering why it's such a vulgar swear word when we don't have the same reaction to words for male genitalia.

Language is hardly a new consideration in midwifery. From Penny Simpkin to Sheila Kitzinger the power of language used by mothers and professionals has been examined since the 1960s and before. Dr Alex Weeks is currently gathering information on the poor language still rife in midwifery for the British Medical Journal. Women and midwives alike do not enjoy being called 'girls', 'incompetent cervix' is just mean and 'allow' isn't a word that should get anywhere near a profession all about bodily autonomy. But getting these words and phrases out of practice is hard.

A key problem is that girls and women are not taught a 'go-to' word to describe their genitals.

If they are offered words, they are bizarre, like 'flower', 'foo', 'tuppence' etc.  This can cause misunderstandings and the embarrassment can get in the way of care. I was talking to an independent midwife who tells me she has this problem in her practice all the time.

Sometimes we're taught the word 'vagina' but this isn't anatomically correct.

The vagina is just the passage, the birth canal, the bit where menstrual blood leaves the body. The word 'vagina' excludes the urethra, labia and the clitoris (which many women consider fairly important!).

'Vulva' would be the correct word to describe the whole area but it's just a bit...clinical. How great is it that little boys have a friendly word like 'willy' that we all understand?

When I look at the three-year-old girl I'm lucky to have in my life my heart breaks.

She's smart, hilarious and confident and at some point she'll realise that the worst insult to be found in our language is a bit of her body.

Luckily her Mum is a powerhouse so I know she will be taught language to describe her experiences, medical needs and get help if she needs it.

The word 'cunt' has a fascinating history, though I can't find many confirmed facts. You can see a video here from an author and yogi therapist who suggests her study of old forms of English relate the word 'cunt; to 'cunning', meaning 'knowing'. It wasn't always an offensive word, it used to be more about power and deep female intuition.

What I am heartened by is that in Australia and New Zealand, the word has way less of a taboo. This might be true in certain parts of Scotland too I hear. 'Cunt' is these culture can often be used to mean 'a really good person', like, 'he's a great cunt'.

New Zealand has a great track record of human rights including being the first country to give women the vote and to legalise gay marriage, so maybe we're making progress? But having lived in both Australia (briefly) and New Zealand, I can't remember women being described in these terms, so something weird is still going on there.

Reclaiming words is a noble thing and 'queer' and 'nigger' are examples of this.

But I think the word 'cunt' isn't right for me at least. I'm not even sure why, I think I just don't want to have exhausting battles with people offended by the word when I want to honour the bit of me that's so powerful.

I know there will be some that laugh at the idea of female genitals being 'powerful' but once you've seen a birth it isn't something that can be disputed.

I think perhaps a good word to use would be the historical description of the vulva: 'quim'. This has special significance for me because of a book I love called The Signature of All Things by Elizabeth Gilbert. It's a novel about female sexual longing as much as anything else, something we don't read much about.

In this book, the historical word 'quim' is used in the context of an 18th century woman discovering masturbation for the first time. It sounds friendly, covers the correct anatomy and has a certain dignity about it, to my ear at least.

So...what are your thoughts, aspiring, student and qualified midwives? 

I'd love to hear from you if you're a Mum of girls too, what are you teaching your children to say when they want to describe their quim?

Leave me a comment below!

P.S. I'm busy organising the 'Bullying in Midwifery' conference. It's not going to be like anything you've attended before, it's going to be intimate, frank and we're not backing away from any of the tough stories. Don't miss it, be part of the change here.