There’s something important I have to tell you before you read this post: I’m a bit scared of writing it, and the possible reception of it. But I think it’s a post that needs to be written.
Thanks for being open minded enough to even read this far! And don't worry, I'm not here to force my views on you.
If you're religious or spiritual, I don't believe what you believe - but if you've found something that brings you meaning and happiness, and helps your practice, it’d be wrong and arrogant of me to tell you you're mistaken.
As I write it's the day after New Years. I adore spending time with family and friends and they’re people with big hearts. But also I realise when I get into deep conversations that I’m quite unlike many people who believe in a God, ghosts, or have other religious/supernatural beliefs.
My own atheism can feel awkward in midwifery. It took me a long time to put my finger on why, but I think it’s because many midwives and midwifery writers believe and say things like ‘spirituality and midwifery are inseparable’.
Is this true? If so, where does this leave me, and other midwives like me, unspiritual people that we are?
I suppose to start we need to look at what ‘spirituality’ really means. These days it doesn't necessarily mean religious, it can just mean anything that gives your life meaning and I certainly have a lot of those activities (cycling, cooking, midwifery itself…)
But by that definition, we’re all spiritual, which would kind of make the definition too loose to be useful, wouldn’t it…?
‘Spirituality’ in our culture is these days associated with ‘otherworldly’ beliefs, everything from tarot cards, to psychics and miracles.
Again, it’s absolutely fine by me if your cup of tea includes having the leaves read – but I can't myself claim any of this kind of culture as my own.
I suppose this post is really for all the other applicants, students and midwives who feel the same way but haven't come across anyone like-minded.
The thing is, midwifery writers often suggest that spirituality is what makes midwives give loving and individualised care.
I struggle with this idea. I love supporting women personally, making sure our relationship is from a place of mutual respect and affection for their journey. I don’t think spiritual beliefs would help me do this better.
To be brutally honest, I've seen midwives who are religious have bigger problems relating to women who don’t share their beliefs, for instance gay couples. Though also I have one midwife in particular in mind who is a fantastic teacher; she is a Christian lady whose intuition, knowledge and empathy really inspires me.
I also don't feel ‘empty’, or anything like that. On the contrary I'm often overwhelmed by the utter vastness and strangeness of the universe, and the fact I and everyone and everything I come across is made of stardust moves me to tears sometimes – which happened at New Years last night.
I also believe no-one is really in control of their own actions, and as we are all stardust cousins, we should be compassionate towards everyone, no matter whether they are a midwife, paediatrician, or violent committer of atrocities.
So to summarise, I have no issue supporting women or colleagues with any of their beliefs (and believe me I've cared for every kind of belief, from Wicca to an Orthodox Christian Sect, to Islam, and once a lady who believed she was spiritually descended from mermaids; being able to listen and support all these different needs is part of the challenge and fun of midwifery…!).
I know how important it is to make sure women have their spiritual and religious needs met.
But… what’s an atheist midwife to do when everyone else in the labour room is praying, or connecting with their spiritual side (especially ‘feminine’ spiritual side? I admit to being flummoxed by this??!!)?
And, what should we say if we are asked outright by a client about our beliefs?
I know that many people must think atheist midwives are empty, cold people, argumentative and intolerant, quick to shriek: ‘you’re wrong!’
So this is my reply to you, midwife in the making, who is wondering whether your understanding and appreciation of the world from a thoroughly scientific and atheist viewpoint is ok.
You're fine to have your own thoughts and understandings and don't let anyone tell you any different, as an atheist your tendency to look closely at evidence and not jump to conclusions can greatly benefit the women in your care. If a client asks you about your beliefs, you can say, you believe in treating every one of your ladies and families equally. And in making sure each lady is supported in whatever spiritual or religious needs she has.
You can say that you empathise and enjoy connecting with everyone in your care.
And you can say you look forward with a full heart towards learning more about science in midwifery, and bringing the excitement of your findings to serve the women in your care.
Phew! My confessions are out for everyone to see at last, I wonder what everyone will think...
Now I’d love to hear from you.
Please tell me: A) Do you have a spiritual belief that you think is essential to your midwifery practice?
Or B) Or if you’re not spiritual or religious, have you ever found it hard to fit in, or support women?
If you found this article interesting or it resonated with you, please consider sharing it with a midwifery mate!
Ellie xxx
Thank you for writing this and to have used such beautiful way to put it!
Thanks Futura, what a lovely comment! I’m so glad you like it 🙂
Hi Ellie, it was very brave of you to write that article and there are probably a lot of people like yourself that don’t share a religious/spiritual belief. I myself identify as christian and that has an impact on how I treat people eg. Treat people with respect as I’d like to to be treated. I also respect other peoples beliefs and science also, I am not ignorant of it (I’m even taking science in college at the moment) I think you can have empathy and give fantastic care even if you are atheist. Its just your personal morals and ethics the way you treat somebody 🙂
I am spiritual but I believe in checking my personal beliefs at the door and caring for women as individuals like you said. I don’t take my Christianity into the delivery room with me as a midwife. I do try to say a little prayer for myself that I do the best I can and ensure a positive experience for my ladies. But as midwives the woman is the most important person in the room and I don’t I don’t think your religious background should be used to judge the care you can give. I think people in caring professions just have the right personality (most of them anyway) and that’s what counts at the end of the day. I love this post… You are right about how to express your beliefs when asked. 🙂
I’m not a religious person at all, and like you it is the vastness of the universe that awes and overwhelms me – I think there is something of a little spirituality in that awe and that majesty that we are part of a much bigger cosmos. I don’t at all think that spirituality is essential to midwifery, to caring, empathy and relating to women and their families.
This next bit is a little bit more difficult to share. My lack of religious beliefs are not what generally makes it harder for me to fit in – that comes from me being a queer person, and someone who has multiple romantic partners in my life. And honestly it doesn’t happen often – I think people respond to integrity, to honesty and genuine care over anything else. People also generally respond well to my being happy, healthy, intelligent and engaged, it’s hard to argue that someone is ‘bad’ and ‘wrong’ at that point. Also, I think it helps that generally in my day to day study, and I think this will be true of working as a midwife as well, these ideas are theoretical and only the ideas themselves are confronting – not the reality of my partners standing next to me. (Though it does make out of work social engagements a little more stressful).
I think care comes from desire to care. I think it comes from compassion and kindness and the desire to convey these ideas to others. I think it comes from our very human desire to connect with other people. I don’t even think it is all altruism, but the desire to perpetuate care, kindness, and compassion in greater amounts in the world. (Altruism is generally short lived I find and the care that comes from midwifery and caring professions in general… is not short lived).
I hope you gained some peace in writing this post, it was beautifully put together and it does make me feel like my own place of care that I am coming from is valid and important too. Thank you so much!
i wouldnt identify myself as spiritual or religous or aetheist and am not sure if feeling any of that is relevant to my midwifery care, i fundamentally believe that the ability to accept someone entirely as they are and to empathise with them as human to human is more important than any of the fluff.
The belief which is essential to my midwifery practice is the right to self determination of the women I assist.
I am not a religious person, and probably not even spiritual. I’d say I am rather mundane. I am happy to believe in science, aware that science is not always right but that is the best i have to offer (EBM), together with compassion, kindness and respect. I respect every person’s belief as long as they don’t harm others (and here I am thinking of the beliefs which are at the roots of FGM).
I think its sad you felt you had to be brave to express rational thoughts! Atheism requires no justification, religious belief does because it makes no sense. The onus of justification is with them, and Ive never met one that could justify it. Anything other than a scientific approach in any medical field is downright dangerous. Shout that you are rational from the rooftops! I would be horrified by any midwife that was not!
I am actually a senior high school student from Greece and three years now I’ve fallen in love ? with midwifery. I found out about you, Ellie, when I randomly watched one of your YouTube videos . Needless to say I immediately subscribed to midwife diaries ???? . The fact that you are an atheist makes me admire you even more ! I am an atheist too… and that is because I believe that treating people right and with respect is not a characteristic of being a religious person , but something that connects with our human nature . ???? People don’t need to be threatened with hell in order to treat people as equal …
Anyway , keep up the great work and stay positive ????
Thanks so much for taking the time to write Danielle, it’s awesome to hear you have found midwifery, and to hear from someone with the same take on life, the universe and everything. I know exactly what you mean, if religion is the *only* reason people are altruistic, it doesn’t say good things about humanity…Thanks for the encouragement and for subscribing, really happy to have you here 🙂
Thank you for this. Being a non-believer can feel very lonely and discriminating within the midwifery community. Even clients can make us feel “less than” other midwives who are open about their faith affiliations. Recently a couple opted not to initiate care at our birth center because not all of the midwives identify as christians. To each their own. There is a midwife for each type of woman and we don’t need to be the perfect midwife for ALL women. You are brave to discuss this in such a public forum. I’m excited to have found your blog! Keep on keeping on. 🙂
Thanks for the positive feedback Sarah and I’m glad you found this post helpful. Yes, as midwives we often feel the need to be very adaptable…but that doesn’t mean we’re not entitled to our own opinions too! That sounds like a tricky situation re the birth centre client x
This was great, thank you! Having a bit of a Christmas eve read, and I really resonated with the point about being ’empty’ if not spiritual, when you can have profound thoughts without religion, or do good deeds without religious influence. I like being able to listen to my moral compass and enjoy the beauty of the universe without having to overlook the more gruesome parts of holy books. Or accepting the horrors of the world without having to try and fit it in with a benevolent God. I might feel that I wouldn’t want to talk too in depth about faith with clients because it’s such a big subject that can get quite intense and so is best left to talking/ debating with friends 🙂
Hi Ellie
I I’ve read this post with great interest. I think that you may have worried too much about what people might have thought about your ‘confession’ for want of a better way of putting it, when you have no reason to have worried. You are entitled to you beliefs (or non-beliefs as it were), as much as the next person and certainly shouldn’t have to justify any of it. Whether someone is religious or not, we should all have the same wants and wishes for the people, we work with or care for and that is simply for the best outcome in any given situation what ever it may be. Treating people with honesty and integrity, compassion and care is all anyone should do or aspire to do, religious or not. As a non – believer myself, I’m not sure (and maybe this has something to do with naivety and that I’m an aspiring midwife but has already had a career in working with the public in the public sector), I’m not sure how religion and spirituality would mean one would do ones job any better that the next person and why, whatever you beliefs, should be judged and define one’s abilities in providing compassion and care etc.
Anyway, your post was honest and from the heart, warm and showed all the compassion that you have for a career you clearly excelled in and still adore in your current guise too. I believe in this blog and your writings as a guide into getting in to a carer I’ve wanted for a long time and finally being in a position where I can take this forward. This is my go-to place because you write from the heart with a passion – whoever or whatever is your god, or not.
I have a lot to learn and yet to experience, but your words in your posts are my guidance so I thank you. However, I just want to add that even the comments from other midwives also help a great deal, so love it when you evoke lots of emotions that encourage people to comment as I always take something of those away with me too.
Thank you for you and your blog – from a stargazing, science loving, non-religious, dog loving wanna be midwife. 😉
Fab ellie, I really enjoyed reading! It’s a strange one for me. I’m 30, yet undecided on religion, I don’t not believe but I don’t believe. So I’m not sure where I stand. Only because I’ve never looked into enough to choose and decide where I want to stand with religion.
Spirituality on the other hand, that is definitely part of my identity, I really enjoy it too. It brings positivity into my life and I didn’t realise I was spiritual until the last year or so (even though I had been before then).
Either way, it is a mission of mine upon starting my Midwifery training in September to learn as much as I can about people religious, cultural and spirtitual values and beliefs. Then I can provide the best care to women and their families. I’m very excitied to learn the diversity of society.
I will admit though, I’m kind of scared of saying or asking the wrong thing and unknowingly offending someone.
Amy x