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Travels of a Newbie Midwifery Novellist: First Meeting With My Publisher

**This blog is outside my comfort zone because I usually try to write things that offer value to midwives. This is a post about what happened when I went to meet my publisher for the first time, with lots of my uncut fears and thoughts.

It's an experiment, I may or may not write things like this again.

I've noticed the hardest bit of writing my novel, by far, has been promoting it. It's really grim. I'd much rather just release a book into the wild and see how it gets on - but that's not the job description for writers these days.

It's also true that I love reading about anything that happens writers.

And I think women should talk about their achievements more.

I'm trying to learn and grow with all that in mind.

So, this is what happened!

Pinter and Martin are my wonderful publishers and they requested a meeting at their bookshop in London.

I live near Cambridge so the journey is a couple of hours. The meeting was at 2pm, but I wanted to get to the station at about 9.30am so I could sit in the waiting room and draft a new chapter for the next book in my midwifery series.

Here I am at the station!

You can’t see but I wore my charity shop little black dress with flowers, a cardy and some sensible black boots. Everyone needs a power outfit for the big days.

My train was at 10.44 so at 10.30 I was still sat there having a coffee and writing.

Then I realised the persistent and annoying tannoys were about my train. It was cancelled. Wonderful. I followed the crowd to talk to a harassed National Rail employee but the next announcement was about the train being put back on, so after a crowd of us ran over the bridge with just a few minutes to board, we got on our way.

There were no free seats so I sat on the floor of a vestibule with a Terry Pratchett novel (comfort reading). But I was happy curled up on the floor, it's better than a seat. After getting off at Kings Cross I got the Tube to Brixton, and then went and sat in a coffee shop to write a bit more.

I’m introverted in many ways so trips to London feel intense. I love the place, it’s associated with gigs, conferences and friends but still, I don't understand how eight million people can co-exist in one city. I always feel like I’ve met all of them by the time I've got home.

And things happen in London. After a while sat writing I looked up and got concerned because a guy was staring at me. This wasn’t paranoia, every time I looked up from my laptop he was giving me eye contact, no smiling, just staring.

As a security guard walked past (you get security guards in Brixton Costas) the guy deftly picked up an empty cup from another table to make it look like he’d bought a drink. I guess he couldn’t afford to buy anything. After a while he got up and went out. No idea what it was about or why he was staring at me in particular and I didn’t see him again.

I wrote for a while longer and it was coming out okay. I wanted to write a chapter about a woman becoming very ill after an unexpected postpartum haemorrhage. I have lots of awesome midwives in the first novel, but I also want to show doctors at their best.

After about an hour I needed a break and looked up to see a woman and her baby sat breastfeeding in the corner. I started to leave and she saw me grinning so I mouthed ‘beautiful baby’ and she smiled back like the sun coming up.

At 13.30 began to walk through Brixton, past Electric Avenue which was the first street in London to be illuminated using electric lights, past fish stalls, fruit and veg places and wholefoods markets.

I found Martin, the director of Pinter and Martin, behind the counter. He looks like he's from the book world, with Neil Gaiman cheekbones.

See exhibit A! Martin Wagner:

Zoe, who's the publishing manager, popped out from the office over the road. I needn’t have worried about being nervous, they were lovely.

If you're ever in London, 'Effraspace', which is Pinter and Martin's bookshop, named after the street it's on, is well worth a look. It's beautiful and has a rare and wonderful collection of books on midwifery, birth and parenting. And a coffee shop! And they do film festivals, yoga and events in their sunny, wooden floored attached room.

I'm not sure I was coming across as very sensible but Martin is a reassuring person who started the business a few years ago and his aim is to have the best bookshop on birth in the UK. And he made me a cup of builders tea.

We discussed a few things, the contract, some ideas for getting the book into the media including making some artwork out of quotes, and when preview copies should arrive (hopefully this coming week! Aieeeee!! I’ll let you know!).

We also talked about the trailer that’s coming out to advertise book one.

I had a few facepalm moments. When they asked me what my evening plans were I said I was going to see the new Alan Bennett play at The Bridge theatre near ‘The Shaft’. Rather than ‘The Shard’. Eerg. But they didn’t even laugh at me (though my London friends did later!)

We decided on a date for the book launch – anyone can come, there’ll be wine and snacks and books and I’d be so thrilled to meet anyone who reads the blog. It’ll be 7.30pm, 19th October at Effraspace, a day before my 30th Birthday.

Finally I thanked Martin and told him how amazed I was that ‘New Walk’ got picked up and how grateful I was.

I know it sounds stupid but I feel this stuff deeply, always have done. I’ve wanted to write and get a book out since I was about eight. Martin said some very nice supportive things that I'm too embarrassed to write about here and then I set off back to the Tube station, over to London Bridge, my nervous system like a lit sparkler.

I was joined there by two of my childhood friends – this is us, Hollie on the left is a games designer and Jenna on the right is an anaesthetist and that’s me in the middle:

I've known them since I was eleven. They've always read my scribbles and supported me. These days they live in London, and we were off to the theatre to see 'Allelujah', a play on NHS elderly care.

It was one of those plays that make you talk a lot afterwards, there's an evil character in it who thinks she's doing the right thing. No spoilers but it was horrid to see someone in an NHS uniform doing something so awful.

After a quick debrief, we let Hollie go home, it'd been a long day for everyone.

Jenna and I got back to hers around eleven, and sat around eating cherry scones with butter and discussing the play, how her shift had gone that day, and worshiping Alfie, her black and white rescue cat. When I went to bed I was so tired I ended up accidentally falling asleep without brushing my teeth.

I woke the next morning in the pale London sunlight. I love the early hours when no-one else is awake yet.

I sat on Jenna’s L-shaped sofa in her little flat. It's furnished so skillfully – inherited dressers that she’s repainted soft grey, paisley patterns, a clock made out of a bike wheel. And Alfie making happy pigeon like coos because I’d given him breakfast.

I had one of those moments where you take stock and realised the day previously I'd met with a company who were printing my book.

Written over four years, more or less an hour a day. Bizarre. In any given moment I don't have the faintest idea how I managed to get the first book done. And I constantly fight off feelings of being inadequate to write about such controversial subjects.

With my head split between concern that I couldn’t finish the next book and this brilliant feeling of the next book being an unopened present which will let me discover it bit by bit, I kept typing.

Alfie curled up beside me. I drank my coffee and after a while I got pulled into the story and didn’t worry any more.

New Walk is out 18th October. You can pre-order here. I'll love you forever if you do.

August 20, 2018 3

I Get Sent Midwifery Books Through the Post!…here’s what I thought of the latest

‘An Armful of Babies and a Cup of Tea’ provides a social history of a 1950s health visitor, just as the role was created and the NHS took off.

I probably wouldn’t have picked this book up had I not been sent a review copy. I thought my 1950s needs were met by ‘Call The Midwife’. But I’m glad I read it, I learnt some stuff.

Molly Corbally worked in a world before social workers when health visitors were the ones helping families make decisions about teenage pregnancy, crippling poverty and end of life care.

She actually wrote her book well before the ‘Call The Midwife’ craze started and it’s been rediscovered and republished.

Molly is starting out in a small Coventry village with new equipment, a new NHS role and a smart blue uniform, but she’s really treading a path that’s always been there. She’s overseeing the complex ethical and physical dilemmas that face mothers holding families together. An original NHS wise woman.

WHAT'S CHANGED

What struck me most is how much more relaxed life for an NHS worker was back then.

Molly had her dog with her in the car, or walked to appointments, stopping back at home for lunch and getting the shopping done in the middle of the day.

In one chapter, Molly pops in to see a postnatal mother and gets distracted by the rose garden and the new puppies.

As she turns to leave she realises she’s forgotten to do any checks. Rather than going back, she’s waved off by the mother and makes an appointment for a few weeks time.

This is the talk of the village – they find it very funny that the new health visitor forgot to even set eyes on the babies.

But can you imagine doing this today? What on earth would you document? ‘Saw rose garden (gorgeous but weak stems!), will assess twins on next visit’.

I don’t mean to sound critical, the relationship Molly builds with her clients protects them and her skill is immense.

But forgetting to do any of the checks simply wouldn’t be an option today, the risks of litigation are too high.

INEQUALITY

I guess we could wish we were back in that world of relationships being more important than documentation.

But as twee and heartwarming as the description of village life is, if you read between the lines, you can see oppression.

You can tell Molly is a gentle soul, but there are moments when she directs women a bit more than we’d think was okay. One woman isn’t told about her daughter's diagnosis of Down’s Syndrome until the baby is over 6 months old – something I think is deeply unfair, though Molly suggests this was a good thing for mother/infant bonding. Sexism shows through with most women not able to choose careers over childcare and the cast of characters are 100% white.

There are also no gay people.

I wondered for a little while whether Molly the health visitor might in a relationship with another woman. She lives with a nursing colleague who’s also her best friend. The village and their relatives don’t understand this, worrying about them not being able to balance out their dinner parties with male company.

But as the book progresses I realised that it’s impossible to tell, this information just isn’t offered to us. It’s like a world without LBGTQ people. I guess this is because homosexuality was illegal in the UK until 1967 but I thought health visitors and nurses would have insight and offer support for family members in this position.

I think I’m underestimating quite how much things have progressed since then. Having just watched the epic pro gay rights stand up ‘Nannette’ I can see how much damage this environment must have inflicted on the gay population.

POLIO

Molly also describes the summer of 1956, which was when the polio epidemic broke out. This section was fascinating and heartbreaking and clearly getting vaccines to the whole of the UK meant every NHS staff member was more or less on active service for a while.

If you don’t know much about polio, you’re not alone, there aren’t many people left who have it in living memory. But it’s a horrible disease which goes for the young and causes the breakdown of muscles. This means death or paralysis. You might have heard about the use of an ‘iron lung’ - essentially if children has muscle weakness around their chest, they needed to be immobilised inside a machine that breathed for them. This could be a lifelong treatment for them.

Good to remember how lucky we are now.

THE RELATIONSHIPS

the relationships with the women are what shone through, as with any book on this subject.

Molly follows whole families through their lives and her advice is accepted because she's built genuine, trusting friendships with her clients.

It's this which the slower pace of life prompts. You can see why The National Maternity Review from 2016 is aiming for continuity of care. I think it's really important for all new students to read books like this and see what time spent with clients can do.

The 1950s weren't an idyllic time, no matter how much nostalgia for A-line skirts and nursing hats we have.

The NHS today is more accepting of clients who aren't straight, white and 'normal' and we have better clinical care.

It’d just be nice to remember how important time in the rose garden is too.

What are your thoughts? Have you read this book? Let me know in the comments below!

August 15, 2018 2

How To Win Midwifery Debates Online

The image for this blog is me moderating, in a heatwave. I run The Secret Community for Midwives in the Making, the 20,000+ member Facebook group that discusses all things midwifery.

We’re having some challenges at the moment. I've needed several glasses of wine and long runs. Don't feel sorry for me - I chose this job and for the most part I love it. But I have some things to say.

Topics like breastfeeding, abortion, circumcision and vaccination frequently come up. While this is brilliant and we get to hear opinions and stories from across the planet, they’re also subjects that make us vulnerable.

Often debates turn into anger. As the group grows, this is getting more common.

I’m aware that some people can campaign for better care using anger – but I’ve never been that person. I’ve always been quick to cry when I’m angry and that’s not a very persuasive place to start debating from.

In the Secret Community, we have one main rule which is that every post and comment has to be written in an overtly kind way.

Passionate debate is fine but anger or contempt directed at someone isn’t.

The reason for this emphasis on kindness is that I’m at the helm. I didn’t think for a moment that The Secret Community would end up this big but it has, and because I’m in charge, we’re going to have to do things my way.

This means being extravagantly kind, even when you disagree with who you’re debating with. Even if what they are saying is in your opinion, unsafe or disrespectful. Contact a mod by all means and we'll follow our procedure, we sometimes get in touch with trusts or universities and we have a policy for what to do if someone's letting us know they want to hurt or kill themselves (it happens).

But don't start or engage in a fight about midwifery issues.

This rule is because, in my experience, an angry debate in an online setting doesn’t usually change anyone’s mind.

People typically have one response to anger and that’s to get angry back. Even if they agree with you in principle, if you have fighting energy they will likely have a similar response and you’ll get nowhere.

Think about it – when was the last time someone was shouting at you and you listened and changed your mind?

People don’t say ‘oh yes, you’re quite right. There is something fundamentally wrong with me as a human and mother. I’ll change that at once!’

They just think, what a horrible person for making me feel this way.

What might be better is staying calm, or if you can, using humour? Not sarcasm directed at the person but just something to get rid of the tension. It often builds bridges and then you can teach.

This is why I often start my moderation posts with something like ‘oof, G and T time for the mods!’

It helps get us back to human communication.

Notice I'm not saying 'keep your opinions to yourself'.

I'm saying be kind.

I know. It’s not perfect.

Many of you will be saying that nothing will stop you fighting for the rights of women. That if we can’t handle flashes of anger then we can’t be good midwives and censorship of any kind is wrong.

But the internet has some dark holes of horrible comments and threads which make most of us lose faith in humans. I’ve seen these in the context of midwifery and I’m not willing to be responsible for a community doing this, especially not one debating such important subjects.

If I and the mods stopped moderating, the community would go feral, you know it would.

In the Secret Community, if our policy of kindness means removing members, even if they’re esteemed midwives who we really respect, we have to do it.

It's 'just' a Facebook group. But everyone gets to have their own corner of the social media world and this is ours. If you'd prefer a different kind of moderation, please set up your own group for angry debates. I'd totally support it if you can find a way to get it working!

We have a truly amazing moderator team who do so much behind the scenes and I can’t let them down either.

Keep it kind, everyone, please. Online midwifery will be better for it.

Much Love and RESPECT to all x

(This post was directly inspired by Caitlin Moran, one of my feminist idols, and Reni Eddo-Lodge, who wrote ‘Why I’m No Longer Talking To White People About Race' – both are angry at injustice, both using techniques other than anger to teach and change things).

P.S. Let me know your thoughts in the comments.

August 8, 2018 1

Women With Big Families – do we unthinkingly offend them?

Would you know what to say to a woman with four or five, or even ten or more children?

Finding the courage to speak up about something isn’t easy. Today’s post is from Rosie Brown, mum of five, who's expecting number six. She's an aspiring midwife and her open letter to women and midwives is about having a large family and some of the comments she’s received from medical professionals.

'Dear Ladies and Gents,

Would you take a moment to listen? I promise you will be a blessing to others like me.

I'm an aspiring midwife and now I guess I am a 'Grand Multigravida' too.

I've had something on my weighing on my heart for a while and it's been stirred by the opening scenes of One Born Every Minute series 11.

There's a lady expecting her 6th baby and the midwife says something along the lines of "haven't you worked out what's causing it?"

Future and current midwives. We might laugh it off and make a funny come back like we don't care, but do you know how exhausting this is?

Every day, every week when we are out with our children, here is what we encounter, from complete strangers.

"Don't you know what causes that?"

"Don't you own a TV?"

"Aren't you a glutton for punishment."

"Wow, how old are you?"

"Do they all have the same dad ?"

"Don't you know what birth control is?"

"Are you done?'

And then to have your midwife or health care assistant do the same when you are vulnerable can be overwhelming.

We sit on a ward listening to midwives go to other couples with 1 or 2, even 3 kids, and there are sweet and reassuring comments.

And then it's our turn.

For whatever reason, parents with big families don't get reassured.

Last week I was in A&E and a health care assistant was taking me for a test, and do you know how relieved I was when he said "Oh how lovely! Your house must be full of fun! Did you always want a big family?"

Us proud mums will probably answer willingly all the above as we chat about our kids, but this question was the correct one to ask.

Personally, we are Byzantine Catholic and my husband is training to be a priest and yes we did always want a big family, and I'm happy to tell you that. But 'Are you done?'.... that's an immediate judgement and I suddenly feel like as you check my cervix I have to justify my entire life, my religion and my sanity.

Please take a moment when encountering a big family to think about your words.

Just because this is our 6th or 10th baby, doesn't mean we aren't every bit as delighted and excited as if it was our first baby. Whether you agree or not, we come for support. Not to be shamed.

Thank you for listening if you made it this far :)'

I personally don’t believe any midwife will mean to be unkind but in our society, we tend to comment on mothers and their choices. Especially if there’s something unusual about them.

Seeing things from a woman’s point of view amidst busy practice and the rocky terrain of trying to keep humour and connection front and center is hard.

I think Rosie’s post contains valuable insight. Especially about the healthcare assistant with the kind and thoughtful comment, this is a great example of being with woman, understanding what it must be like to lead her life and talking with her accordingly.

As Rosie says, thanks so much for reading this!

And thanks to Rosie for writing it, it's brave and how gorgeous is her family?!

Do you have anything to add – have you cared for a woman with a big family? How did you talk about it? Or are you from a big family, is there anything else we should know?

Leave a comment below.

Much love xx

August 1, 2018 5

A New Way to Train as a Student Midwife in the UK

Not to sound like mystic meg, but I knew something like this would happen.

After the bursary went, I think many of us thought it was only a matter of time before midwifery applicant numbers went down. And the obvious solution to that is to provide some more funding to get midwives into the profession.

I’ve been stalking the RCM website for news about this situation and of course, up popped a post on ‘Midwifery Apprenticeships’. These courses are currently being created, looking to take their first midwifery candidates in 2019.

It’s big news for anyone wanting to become a midwife in the UK.

Apprenticeships train you while working and the government pay course fees while you receive a wage.

I love the idea – you shouldn’t have to pay for your qualification and getting a wage on the job is an even bigger endorsement of the importance of midwives

But I’m gutted for the students currently getting a midwifery degree and paying for their course fees as well as taking out a big loan so they can live.

The course fees only disappeared in 2016/7 and at the time the government seemed to think they’d get even more midwives applying. Something about student midwives being able to borrow more money so they’d be more solvent while training.

I don’t think anyone was fooled by the concept of having more debt being better for us, but regardless some aspiring midwives love the profession so much they chose to train regardless.

But some couldn’t, for financial reasons.

There is the argument that a midwifery degree is a higher qualification worth paying for. An apprenticeship might not open up as many options, especially if you want a Masters or to go into research.

But as a route to becoming a practising midwife, it’s a solid option.

In terms of whether midwives need to be academic and have a degree, there are a few ways of looking at it.

A degree can give you the skills to assess research and this is needed to practice with critical awareness. But frankly I have a degree and the most I’ve understood on this subject has been from Ben Goldacre’s ‘Bad Science’ and there excellent free podcasts and blogs that can teach you this stuff if you’re motivated.

There are plenty of midwifery mentors out there who don’t have a degree or a diploma and they seem amazing at their jobs.

I suspect that different strengths on the shop floor is a good idea; if some midwives come from apprenticeships and they’re amazing at co-ordinating a busy ward and dextrous at tricky clinical skills, and some midwives come from degrees with advanced knowledge of research, women will get better care overall. Different training options might help us play to our strengths.

So good might come out of this situation yet.

I can’t help but be frustrated about the government taking away the bursary and then having to address the lack of candidates with an apprenticeship. Could they not have just listened and left things as they were?

Adapting to the political situation has always been part of a midwifery role, however 🙂

What are your thoughts?

Are apprenticeships a good idea, helping bring practically minded midwives into the profession?

Or is it unjust to the midwives currently training and paying for their courses?

Let me know in the comments!

Much Love, Ellie x

P.S. Yesterday my novel 'New Walk' went to print.

I spent four years working on it.

I'm so grateful to have been able to complete it, for the experiences that led to it, for the guts and soul of midwifery that I was able to spend time with while writing, for Pinter & Martin deciding it had a place on their list.

I'm a little sorrowful that I don't get to spend time writing inside this book anymore but mostly joyful.

Thanks for your giant-hearted support.

Time for a glass of wine

Links for New Walk:

Available for preorder from: https://goo.gl/iV9z6C

Kindle version available for preorder at: https://goo.gl/nJJ1WK

July 25, 2018 26

‘Look at my face, not my uterus’ – Your No Guilt Pregnancy Plan

I’ve read quite a lot of pregnancy guides and I wasn’t sure there was much call for another one.

With the burst of amazing writers releasing things like ‘Birthing for Blokes’ and ‘The Positive Birth Book’ I thought it was covered.

I was completely wrong.

This particular birth book is designed for any pregnant woman who feels like a bit of iron filing caught between two magnets.

Rebecca Schiller is a doula, journalist and campaigner for women’s birth rights.

The book is snappy and balanced and talks to women like they’re intelligent. Not that other books don’t, but it prioritises making the reader feel in control.

It gets into the choices that need to be made in pregnancy and how they can impact us mentally. Overall it has a kind approach that fosters sensible self-belief and it focuses on preventing guilt.

It made me sad to recognise how crucial addressing guilt is.

But it’s a strong and unusual woman who manages to avoid feeling bad about her choices as she becomes a mother.

According to our society, ‘successful’ women are supposed to be thin, pretty and accommodating of others’ needs (study). The scope for us feeling bad is pretty big even before pregnancy.

I believe that pregnancy can hothouse shame because of the physical and personal needs that conflict with how women ‘should’ look and how they should feel about their child.

Self-care is something we talk about but it’s a hard concept to get to work in real life when we’re all so busy and focused on the people we love.

Rebecca’s book covers all the standard information needed. From screening to cord clamping to infant feeding, the facts have been collected and presented well, with resources for those who want to assess the science further.

Mental illness is addressed and it’s great to see the unspoken fear tackled – many women who suffer from depression worry about having their baby taken away and so don’t ask for help. But as Rebecca mentions, the odds of a child being removed purely because of depression are next to zero.

I won’t go into every topic mentioned but I was impressed by the breadth. The only thing missing is race – women from black and ethnic minority backgrounds experience a different story in pregnancy which ultimately puts them at higher risk. It would have been great to see this addressed in detail (I’ve become more aware of this social injustice problem in the birth world recently).

My way of telling if a pregnancy book is successful or not overall is ‘would I send this to my sister (a neuroscientist researcher) if she was pregnant again?’

I absolutely would – it’s more like a letter from a well-informed best friend than a pregnancy guide. And the vignettes included from the experiences of women help illustrate how different we all are. From those who wanted an epidural, to those who find masturbation in labour helpful.

The weird thing was, 'Your No Guilt Pregnancy Plan' was even useful for me personally. I’m not pregnant but everyone needs reassurance about trusting yourself when overwhelmed with options and choices.

I suspect that we all have these mental hurdles. It’s just that in pregnancy they’re more intense.

I enjoyed the way Rebecca presented it all as a challenge to develop self-trust, not an ordeal.

Now I’d love to hear from you.

Have you read this book? What did you think?

Do you think women face guilt in pregnancy? How do you address this as a student or midwife?

Leave a comment below!

July 19, 2018 0

Why I’m No Longer Ignoring Racism As A White Person

You know those books that you read and feel yourself being changed? I think it's called 'internalisation'.

This is one of those. Especially if you're white.

Reni Eddo-Lodge is a journalist and author who wrote the book 'Why I’m No Longer Talking to White People About Race'.

Her work focuses on racism and feminism. I think it's the exhaustion in her tone that gets me.

Did you know:

A slogan put about by the Conservative government was 'if you want a n**** as your neighbour, vote labour' - this was 1985
Children of colour get marked down in school
But when their work is assessed independently under a white British sounding name, they get the grades they deserve
Bristol was a slave port and the UK has a lot of its wealth from black slavery
Black and ethnic minority women are three times more likely to die during childbearing.

It's a hard one. If you're white, you might be thinking 'well I'm not racist'.

I believe you. But we live in a society that's got racism baked into it. Not our fault. Still our responsibility.

Reverse racism hits the news sometimes. White people being at a disadvantage because people from a black or ethnic minority group are discriminating against them.

The problem is that reverse racism doesn't happen in a way that takes meaningful power away from white people.

White people might find themselves in a single situation - say working for an ethnic minority family who pass them over for a promotion in favour of someone from their own background - but that white person will have more many opportunities over the course of their lifetime based on their ethnicity.

Ethnic minority groups literally do not have enough people in positions of power to even begin to level the playing field.

I think it's so important for midwives and students to be aware of the tension and inequality that black and ethnic minority people face.

I'm not saying white people don't have adversity or don't work hard. I had my first job at age 12 and I've worked ever since then. My family was often financially insecure when me and my siblings were growing up. I've faced sexism as well, in a workplace that still thought the men were more likely to be correct than the women.

It's just that there's a huge bias that black and ethnic minority people have to fight against all the time. You can't really fight against sexism without understanding racism. You miss so much of the picture.

The problem is to understand race as a white person, you need to put your own way of seeing the world on hold. This is pretty much impossible. The only way to do it is to think of a time when you've been so frustrated that someone couldn't see the inequality in a situation.

For instance, many women will have had a conversation with someone who doesn't see the point of International Women's Day as there's no International Men's Day.

I've been in a situation where I've been frustrated to tears trying to get a guy to understand why International Women's Day is important.

The risk of FGM, pay differences, the tension women face balancing having children and a career etc. It falls on deaf ears. It's like it doesn't even exist.

This is what black and ethnic minority people are trying to tell us. There's a whole existence in parallel with ours as white people. We're blind to it.

It's not for me to tell anyone what to do but I'd encourage you to read Reni Eddo-Lodge's book, listen to her podcast, or listen to Sprogcast, the episode with Doula Mars Lord.

Listening and understanding is only fair.

But also, if like me, the best bit of midwifery or caring for others is the privilege of understanding their stories: there is so much more to learn.

So many more ways of existing in the world to get to know.

I find this exciting.

Now I'd love to hear from you.

Please comment, especially if you're from a black or minority ethnic group, especially if you think I've left anything out!

Or if you're white - do you already know this?

Much Love,

p.s. I don't feel wise enough to write this. But I have a platform and I'm white. Even if I get it wrong I need to be trying. Feel free to correct me and please know - if I have made mistakes or caused offence, this is due to my ignorance, not malice. I'll keep learning, I'm sorry I and others haven't noticed in a meaningful way until now and I'm LISTENING.

July 11, 2018 9

Being a Doula with 4 Kids, How to Cope and Birth Magic [Audio]

'When I walk in it's like a part of me extends to her. I put my own stuff in a box. It's like my heart grows for her.'

I spotted Doula Katy Hemmus leaving wise and insightful comments about birth in The Secret Community. After following a few threads knew I wanted to talk to her properly.

The way she describes entering the birth space is so inspiring - Katy doesn't use the phrase 'birth magic' but the way she talks about supporting labouring women makes it clear it's transcendent for her.

(more…)

July 4, 2018 0

‘New Walk’ – My Midwifery Novel

If you’re interested in what having your first novel published feels like…??

??I used to think that the biggest fear you could experience was in a birth room with the lives of two people in your hands. I still think that’s objectively a much bigger deal than getting a book out. So the emotion that’s possessed me over the last few weeks has confused and, at times, exasperated me. There are much bigger problems in the world (staffing crisis in the NHS, Brexit or Trump, anyone?) ??
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Other writers warned me the run-up is intense but this was when back when my book hadn’t been accepted for publication yet. I wasn’t impressed. I thought: pull your socks up. When you get a book published you’re not entitled to feel anything other than ecstatic.??
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Cut to three weeks before it’s out and sometimes I’m a bit of a mess.??
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For a long time I couldn’t even put a name to the feelings. They're bigger than anything I’ve ever felt before, a whirling, circling, complex mass of emotions that take over without warning. The best way I can describe it is it’s like the sharp edge of falling in love. ??
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I’m doing a lot of writing of book two, which is calming. I’m also doing a lot of cycling. I rode to Leicester and camped out in my bivi under the stars the other day. Being out in nature helps me remember that this is just a book and it doesn’t matter. No-one is going to lose their life based on a novel. I’ve also ridden to Norwich and back with my brother this weekend. As a social worker, he’s a talented panic absorber.??
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I did some psychology in the saddle and realised a bit more of what was going on.??
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I want to do right by midwives and the women who’ve experienced the events in the book – drug addiction, abortion, birth. There’s an anxiety about what people will think. ??
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But there’s also joy at having got the book done at all (something I’ve wanted to do since I was little). ??

Brene Brown the sociologist talks about ‘foreboding joy’. It’s the sensation we all have when something really good is happening. Like if you’re a parent and you poke your head around the door to see your child asleep you feel such overwhelming love that you instantly think about all the awful things that could happen to them.??
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It’s easy to get so caught up in foreboding joy that you forget to enjoy what’s going on. That’s dangerous because you risk never enjoying the best events of your life.??
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Focusing on delight is just as important as being aware of the terrible furnace of the world, to paraphrase the poet Jack Gilbert. ??
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I’ve found that focusing on gratitude often sorts my feelings out, or makes them bearable. Just being grateful that it’s done and someone liked it enough to make it into a real book. A novel that will be in someone’s hands soon.??
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I also realise that when you feel that deeply about something, you’re probably on the right track.??

New Walk is out on 18th October 2018. Wish me luck.??

You can buy New Walk here.

There's a book launch evening in London here.

June 28, 2018 50

The Infectiously Positive Midwife Hugger: Natalie Corden

Isn’t it amazing how sometimes those with the hardest path in life can be the most upbeat?

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June 20, 2018 4

Some Thoughts on Infant Loss from an Incredible Dad (Fathers Day Post 2018)

I was not at all experienced when I first cared for a family whose baby had died.

I can remember crying my eyes out in the middle of labour ward because it was just too painful. Luckily, I had an amazing manager who gave me continuity with the family in question and I was able to follow them for 3 days worth of shifts. Their little boy had been stillborn after a complicated labour.

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June 13, 2018 2

Midwife Deb Hughes on Facing Investigation For Unjust Reasons, Being Back Pain Free, And Lying Down In Labour

'I was suspended and investigated for taking a woman on my caseload home and letting her live with me and claim asylum. It’s a long and terrible story, and it was an awful 3 months whilst awaiting hearings and being threatened with NMC referral, but I won the case with the help of friends...'